Paris Hilton Could Face Bonafide Jail Time For Being Stupid
Most advanced primates would understand what it means when a judge tells them they’re not allowed to drive for a while. Not Paris Hilton. The heiress could now be facing up to 90 days in jail for violating her probation, stemming from a September DUI arrest. Hilton is pleading ignorance on the violation, claiming she didn’t know her license was suspended. The sad thing is that it’s not a stretch of the imagination to believe that Paris could have missed the point of that whole court thingy.
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Totally Frakked: Space: 1999 -- Above and Beyond
The year was 1975. The place, mankind’s greatest achievement and the first self-sufficient lunar colony, a sprawling complex in Crater Plato known as Moonbase Alpha. To legions of Sci-Fi fans existing on reruns of Star Trek and Irwin Allen’s Lost in Space, the near-future world of Space: 1999 was a vibrant breath of fresh air, and a new opportunity to explore the distant reaches of outer space.
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Billy and Mandy's Big Boogey Adventure: Good for Giggles
Billy and Mandy’s Big Boogey Adventure
Premieres Friday, March 30, on Cartoon Network
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The Tudors: A New Reigning TV Family
The Tudors
Title: "Episode 1"
First Airing: 4/1/07
On one of National Public Radio's preeminent cultural criticism programs, a guest recently declared the present decade to be the Golden Age of Television. The speaker stated further that we’ll look back on these times in television the way people now look at the 1920s when they talk about jazz.
This Sunday, Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays Henry VIII in The Tudors, a series debuting on the clearly up-and-coming Showtime cable channel just days after Rome ends its brief run on HBO. ‘Nuff said? Maybe not quite enough. How’s this: All praise NPR for its glorious and terrible insight. If I could end the review here, I would. But The Tudors has me in full rumination mode.
Totally Frakked: Babylon Sighs
For four full seasons (and one reunion movie), Claudia Christian’s Commander Susan Ivanova defended Babylon 5 and the rest of the known universe from a host of sinister interstellar heavies. Christian garnered fandom’s undying love, as well as a historic genre footnote, for her portrayal of the first openly gay Sci-Fi character on TV.
Now that the war between the Shadows and the Vorlons is behind her, Christian is striking out to conquer new frontiers -- the territory of the heart, you could say. The celebrated actress recently put pen to paper and, in April, will see the publication of her first short story in the spicy romance-themed graphic novel bimonthly, Forbidden Love.
Survivor: Fiji -- One Too Many Idols
Survivor: Fiji
Title: “An Evil Thought”
First Aired: 3/29/07
Over the years, there’s been a lot of evil trickery on Survivor. Backstabbing, bold-faced lies, nasty accusations -- the list is long and distinguished. Yau-Man’s decision to replace one of the immunity idols with a dummy object has got to be one of the most genius, diabolical, deliciously deceitful moves yet. That alone is enough reason to stay devoted to this season. Will some poor sap uncover the idol, assuming they’re safe and sound, only to be full on humiliated and ousted? Man alive, let’s hope so!
In other joyful news, Rocky -- the Ravu sucker who just didn’t know when to shut up -- is outta there. Lest you think you’ve heard the last of his annoying banter, he’s also the first member of the jury. Rocky isn’t exactly silenced, but he’s muffled. It’s still a good day.
Weekend Picks: March 30 - April 1
Ghost Whisperer -- Children of Ghosts
Hauntings aren't just for people any more. Homer the deceased dog comes to visit Melinda again, so she turns to the real-life "Dog Whisperer" for assistance. Plus, a teen is disturbed by a very dangerous spirit.
Kids' Choice Awards -- Special Event
Hunky Justin Timberlake hosts the 20th annual Kids' Choice Awards, brimming with the celebration of pop culture. Worthy nominees include Johnny Depp, Beyonce, Will Smith, Halle Berry, and Jack Black.
Brothers and Sisters -- All in the Family
If you're afraid your family is hopelessly dysfunctional, get to know Brothers and Sisters. This week, Nora attempts to bring poor Rebecca into the fold. A little clue: It doesn't go well.
Casting Call: Hey Virgins, It's Time to Get Lucky!
If you’ve got a love life that reminds you of Beauty and the Geek (heavy on the geek, of course), it’s time to stir things up. Forget about that next Blind Date -- let the fine folks at MTV insert a little sex magic into your life.
Only virgins need apply! If you’ve been holding out in the bedroom, it just might be your lucky day!
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Howard K. Stern Sleazes Up Both Smith Court Cases
Howard K. Stern is looking more every day as though he has something to hide. Stern already managed to delay the inquest into Daniel Smith’s death by complaining about potential jury bias in the case. Now he’s appealing the results of the paternity battle over Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn. Minor detail: These results haven’t even been released yet.
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Jericho: The Doctor is Dead
Jericho
Title: “Winter’s End”
First Aired: 3/28/07
Jericho returns after a two-week hiatus, with a huge blast of unexpected drama. The town has done pretty well for itself since that unfortunate nuclear holocaust, as most residents have lived to tell the tale. This week, however, someone had to die. Of course, it was the best doctor of the bunch, which will, in turn, endanger others.
Lovely and pregnant April, once the wife of Jake’s brooding brother, quietly passed away, but you better believe it’s going to cause all kinds of chaos in the weeks to come.
America's Next Top Model: The Plus-Size Plummet
America’s Next Top Model
Title: “The Girl who Takes Credit”
First Aired: 3/28/07
Four weeks into Season Eight, America’s Next Top Model gave the world of normal-sized women oodles of hope that, yes, we too are beautiful. Alas, this week saw the elimination of Diana, the plus-size model with a stunning pair of peepers but a rather blah personality.
Take heart, however -- the lovely Whitney remains. Her ability to balance sensible eating with striking a pose gives us all a warm, fuzzy glow. Pass the bon-bons, and let’s celebrate.
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Totally Frakked: Doctor Who -- Doctor Renewed
Fans worried that the cavernous insides of the time- and space-hopping TARDIS will prove to be a lonely place for Doctor Who now that Rose Tyler has departed the adventure shouldn’t despair. The celebrated Time Lord (David Tennant) heads into the relaunched series’ third season with not one, but two new assistants. The good Doctor also reconnects with an old rival, and battles the usual hordes of monsters, robots, and other assorted galactic villains.
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Totally Frakked: Moore On Battlestar Galactica's Fourth Season
The third season Battlestar Galactica finale left fans stalled at the “Crossroads,” believing that a host of familiar faces aboard the Sci Fi Channel’s mighty juggernaut were actually Cylon sleeper agents. Are they? And what the frakk was up with Starbuck’s appearance in the Ionian Nebula, just as a Toaster armada arrived with the intention of blasting the last of the Colonial fleet into shrapnel?
In an attempt to clarify some of this confusion, BSG top nut Ronald D. Moore revealed some of his plans for the upcoming fourth season, which returns to the broadcast schedule a very long nine months into the future.
***Spoiler Alert!***
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Tonight's Picks: Thursday, March 29
This American Life -- My Way
You think you're stubborn? Indulge in this intriguing study on how stubbornness affects people. The two bull-headed types include a teenager who vows never to fall in love (not a bad idea), and a politician who insists on running a falsehood-free campaign (all kinds of bad).
Survivor: Fiji -- An Evil Thought
One crafty castaway gets his or her grubby mitts on the coveted immunity idol, and considers putting a fake idol in its place. Pure, delicious evil! Lisi struggles to find herself in a tribe of testosterone, and another Survivor bites the dust.
Decoding the Past -- Vampire's Secrets
Are there really vampires among us? Experts attempt to unravel the truth, focusing on the common threads among the various vampire mythologies. Cover your neck before watching, and keep garlic handy.
Casting Call: Kids with Big Brains -- Apply Here!
If you’re a young, budding Bill Nye the Science Guy with a brain the size of Planet Earth, there’s a new show in the works with your name on it. Check out the latest reality TV endeavor from VH1, and find out if you’ve got the smarts to be the star!
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American Idol: Bye Bye, Curly!
American Idol
Title: "Lowest Vote Getter Out of Top 10 Eliminated"
First Aired: 3/28/07
Oh, bittersweet victory! What to think? What to think?
On the one hand, it's sad to see another contestant get cut before he should have. On the other, it's great to be genuinely surprised! I mean, holy f****n' m*****f****rs! Did anybody see this coming?
Chris Sligh is gone! That's right, the chubby one has left the building.
This is a total joke, of course, considering who is still up there.
posted by MeeVee at 3:49 PM
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